The Voyager Movie Nights
by Julechan
Summary: Set after 'Memorial' - Tom and B'Elanna put their TV to good use. They invite the others and watch Star Wars! Guess who gets to hold hands, throw popcorn... and more?
1. Plans

****** Notes ******

This turned out a lot longer than I expected. But I feel that a 'total change of heart in the 6th season' story needed a bit more inner dialogue and pondering to be convincing. Obviously, this is a fun and unrealistic plot. But at least the characters should be developing normally.

I am a big Star Wars fan and it was great fun letting the Voyager crew take the piss, since the shows seem to be antagonized often. The fact that Chakotay/Janeway actually resembled Han/Leia a little only occurred to me after I'd already written the first two days. :-)

* * *

**The Voyager Movie Nights**

It was a week after they had repaired the "Memorial" on Tarakis, and things slowly returned to normal. Tom was still feeling the after effect of the imposed memories, but he found he'd lived through stranger things than having memories of something you didn't do. The Delta Quadrant simply had a way of rewarding them with these 'unique experiences' all the time.

But for now, all was quiet, everyone did their jobs, and Tom remembered he had a TV. He and B'Elanna hadn't used it since Tom's 'vision', but tonight he decided to inviter her and have a nice evening snuggling with an old movie, maybe he could even replicate some popcorn again, that had been nice.

B'Elanna came over at 1900, wearing comfortable clothes as he'd 'ordered', and smiled.

"So, Helmboy, what's it going to be?"

He had chosen a 'classic' film from earth's 1960s period.

"You're gonna love it," he said and kissed her hello. "It's a classic agent thriller - James Bond: Goldfinger."

"I've never heard of it."

"There's still a lot you can learn from me, lieutenant.." he added with mock condescension, which earned him a playful smack.

During the film, Tom was pleased to see that she was enjoying herself, at least if he was interpreting the signs right. She kept calling Goldfinger a 'dirty petaQ', growling at his actions, which where, obviously, without honour. He marvelled at how Klingon she could be at times.

At the typical cheesy ending, B'Elanna looked up playfully at him. "So the good guy always gets the girl. I see now why you like that Captain Proton programme so much!"

Tom laughed. "Ah.. the world seems a little easier this way, doesn't it? Not being stranded, just a mission to accomplish – and at the end you get the girl!"

"I think we can arrange that..."

* * *

In the morning, B'Elanna and Tom got dressed and ready for another "Delta Day". Just before they went separate ways, B'Elanna gave him a kiss. _She certainly looks happy today!_ Tom thought. She grinned and said "you know, last night was really fun. We must do that again."

He grinned mischievously and put his arms around her. "No problem..."

She growled a little. "Don't get too confident, flyboy. And I mean the film.. it really takes your mind of things, doesn't it?"

He considered for a moment. "You know, you're right. Being on the holodeck probably spoiled us, but I think it's nice not be part of the story for a change."

She smiled. "We should invite the others over as well! Everyone could use a little distraction after last week.." He looked a little disappointed, but she quickly added "well, not that that changes the rest of the evening--" and he cheered up again. Then, suddenly, there was that gleam in his eyes. He smiled, _almost evil_ it occurred to her. She shook her head. "Oh no... you're plotting again, aren't you. What is it this time!"

"Oh, I don't know, I just thought your idea was great. We should ask Harry to join us..."

She knew there was more.

"--and what about Chakotay and the Captain..."

She knew he was plotting to set them up _again_.

"--they'd sure welcome some quality time with their crew..." he grinned, eyes sparkling.

"Tom, don't. You've already set them up enough, I think whatever we do will eventually make it worse. Just let them be!"

But Tom would not budge.

"Relax, B'Elanna, it's just going to be a nice evening with friends... how about the-" he held up his hands, like he was presenting a slogan "- 'Voyager Movie Night'. And if they happen to sit next to each other, well... it would simply give them some time off command and provide some relaxation.."

She stared at him suspiciously.

"...really!" he added. She grinned. "Alright."

"Tonight, 1900, you ask Chakotay, I'll get the Captain and the others."

"Done. See you later!"

* * *

The Captain was in her ready room, and there wasn't much going on anyway so he took his chance and went.

"Come in."

She smiled at him. "How can I help you today?"

"Well, Captain, you see, the day we got back from the shuttle mission, B'Elanna had a surprise for me. She had built an 1960s earth television set for me, and we ended up watching old cartoons and films all night. Well she fell asleep, but..."

He stumbled a bit and she grinned. "That sounds nice.. quite a change, isn't it, when you're used to holodecks?"

He visibly relaxed and continued, smiling. "Yes, and you see we were thinking.. we'd like to invite some of our friends around for.. well a little movie night... would you like to come?"

She looked surprised, but amused.

"That's nice, thank you Tom." She really seemed too surprised to say anything else.

"1900 my quarters, think about it, tonight we'll watch Star Wars." He pulled a smug grin. "I think it'll give us all a nice laugh."

* * *

Kathryn smiled to herself when he was gone. It was good to see them recover, and it was certainly nice to be invited. She pondered what to do. It couldn't hurt. She deserved a little fun sometimes, didn't she? And for once it seemed he wasn't going to set her up with Chakotay. Although he'd probably be there. She frowned. There was just not the same amount of closeness between them these days. Maybe it would be fun to just relax for one night. She made up her mind.

Later, she met Chakotay in the mess hall. It was again one of these moments... she walked in and he was the first thing she noticed among everyone else. _It seems to be the same thing with him_, she thought happily, as he immediately stopped the conversation he was having with a young ensign and joined her at Neelix' counter. He smiled. "Let me guess. Coffee."

She only grinned. "No complaining, Chakotay, I am not using the replicator and it's only my third today."

"You never cease to surprise me." She liked the sound of his voice so much. There was so much caring in it. She wasn't sure about his feelings, whether he still loved her the way she knew he had. She was certainly confused over her own fluttering stomach when he flashed her another of his dimpled smiles. _I am not only addicted to coffee_, she thought. _I am addicted to seeing him smile_. _Having him around is the nicest part of every day. _She must've seemed in thoughts and he just looked at her, a quizzical look on his face, as if he could read her thoughts. _He probably damn well could. Most of the time. _

He led her to a table. "So... I take it you're invited tonight too?"

"The Voyager Movie Night?" she laughed. "Tom always has to add a touch of grandeur, doesn't he?"

He grinned. "Does make it sound more glamorous."

"Well, I'm looking forward to having some fun for a change, and I think it's nice they invited the _Captain_. Maybe it's time I started mingling again. It's long overdue." She started to stare into her cup pensively.

He spoke quietly. "I'm glad you're coming." She looked up, no expression on her face, waiting.

"Well, you've kept to yourself a lot lately. I think it's great you join us. And.. well having you there means fun, even if the film is bad."

She smiled in appreciation. "You're right, I have been... isolated. I don't really know why. But I agree, whatever the occasion, spending an evening with you.. and the others will be nice."

For a moment, she saw intense feelings in his eyes. _He really is glad_, it shot through her mind. It looked as if he wanted to take her hand and say something, but then decided not to. He smiled and got up. "See you tonight, then." She sighed more heavily than she wanted to and finished her coffee, which didn't even appeal to her so much anymore.


	2. A New Hope

When Kathryn was getting ready that night, she thought about Chakotay. The relationship between them was somehow constantly changing. They could go days without seeing too much of one another, then sometimes they had dinner together, and other days they were closer, sharing moments like in the mess hall earlier. She didn't know what prompted them. She usually didn't get funny feelings or the impulse to grin when they were on the bridge or even when they talked in her ready room. She used to react to him like that, especially when they were alone... then they used to flirt a little, tease each other, and she had been happy. But these last couple of months they'd grown distant. The Equinox incident had driven a rift between them, _and it was my fault. No wonder he kept his distance after that... threatening to kill Lessing... _The thought of her behaviour still haunted her. And relieving Chakotay of duty was certainly one of the worst moments of her life.

But they had carried on, as usual. Things had settled back to the way they were, they talked and were friendly, but it took a while before they had dinner again.

Then Michael. She still wasn't sure why he had taken it so lightly, even encouraged her to pursue that relationship. She was a little sad, maybe somehow she wanted him to be jealous. But in the end it didn't matter, Michael was quickly forgotten. Being with a hologram was simply not the same. She knew Chakotay so well, knew his habits, quirks... the bond she shared with him could not be replicated by a computer. And now, after the fights were resolved and there was no Michael, there were suddenly just the two of them again, back on the drawing board so to speak. This mader her a little nervous.

* * *

When Chakotay made his way to Tom's quarters, he ran into Kathryn, who was on her way, too. She was wearing tight but comfortable looking pants, some sandals and a beautiful short dress on top. He could see her collar bones, a bit of her shoulders, her gorgeous neck... _stop it._ He mentally reprimanded himself, but smiled at her nonetheless. "You look beautiful. Comfortable."

She gave him her sweetest twinkling smile. "Thank you."

He noticed that she had taken in his casual clothing as well. "You don't look bad yourself," she stated, looking him up and down. "..and comfortable. It is nice to be out of uniform, isn't it? I wear it to sleep so many nights, sometimes I believe it's part of my skin."

"I know what you mean." He smiled, offered his arm, and they continued on their way.

When they arrived, Harry and B'Elanna were already there, bustling with bowls of popcorn.

Chakotay grinned. "And what will we be poisoned with tonight?"

B'Elanna shot him an angry smile. "We're 'setting the mood' – have some appreciation for all those replicator rations!"

Kathryn smiled and touched Tom's arm, looking curiously at all the popcorn and beer. "Tom, you shouldn't have made such an effort..."

"Of course I should, after all it's not every day we get together like this, Captain present and all..."

He'd meant it as a joke, but Kathryn only quietly replied, "Please, I am off duty, so I'll just be Kathryn tonight."

Tom was a little surprised at her somber tone, but smiled and nodded. Chakotay watched this with interest and smiled at Kathryn. He was genuinely glad she could let her guard down once in a while. B'Elanna prepared the table. "It looks like we're ready, everyone's here – we did ask Tuvok and Neelix," she said to Kathryn, "but you can guess. Tuvok thinks nostalgia isn't logical and Neelix is busy in the mess hall with a new leola root experiment. We didn't even dare to ask Seven."

Chakotay and Kathryn chuckled. He grabbed a beer and came over to her. Harry grabbed one too and shook it at B'Elanna. "You know, you'll regret spending your rations on beer once you have to sample Neelix' experiment!"

They all laughed as B'Elanna rolled her eyes, then gathered up around the TV. Tom gave them a quick introduction about TVs in history, and B'Elanna explained how she'd built it. Kathryn was impressed. She loved 'old stuff'.

"I made a few modifications for convenience," Tom added. "Since this TV is so old, it can usually only show black and white movies. I modified it, so we can see it in colour... it's more fun that way. And B'Elanna made a remote - that isn't exactly authentic either, but practical."

"Shall we?"

They sat down. Chakotay later wondered how he had ended up next to Kathryn, but he felt that nothing else could have happened. They just belonged together, somehow, even if it were not as lovers. B'Elanna sat next to her, with Tom in the corner like Chakotay. They were a little crammed and he was conscious of Kathryn's body against his. Harry sat in the low armchair next to Tom, beer in his hand, looking very comfortable. As Tom got the remote and put the film on, Kathryn grabbed a bowl of popcorn. Chakotay grinned. "Are you going to keep that one for yourself?" She grinned back and held the bowl tightly. "If you ask nicely, maybe I'll let you share." He was so happy at seeing her like this. She had that mischievous, playful grin on her face again. He simply wanted to hug her and tell her how glad he was she was back. But suddenly the Star Wars fanfare made the two of them jump madly. Kathryn poured a handful of popcorn over herself and Chakotay.

"What was..." she started, but Tom and B'Elanna only waved their hands, "Shhh... read!"

Chakotay grinned, shrugging a little, and they both read the words on the screen.

That done, she brought some of her attention to the popcorn all over her and started to pick it off. Chakotay had a hard time concentrating on the screen instead of her. He picked up the popcorn from his shirt as well and dared to brush some of her leg. She simply smiled apologetically, and then they turned back to the film. He put his arm around the back of the couch, virtually around her, but not around her shoulders.

_God, he has no idea_, Kathryn thought. The feeling of him so close made her giddy, although she kept telling herself it shouldn't. And when he brushed the popcorn off her leg, it sent some bolts of lightning through her body. He didn't notice, and she tried to behave normally, concentrating on the film. It proved hard, but she was soon surprisingly engrossed with the plot, as were the others.

Throughout the film, all 5 of them kept commenting. For Kathryn, that was the most fun. B'Elanna constantly complained about technical or mechanical improbabilities and Kathryn was sure she'd heard her mumble something about never letting such a hairball in _her_ engine room. She was especially anguished at the "stupid construction" of the Death Star, a term which had them all toppling over with laughter anyway. Tom kept making snide comments about "light speed", and Harry had tears in his eyes from laughing at R2 and C3PO. Chakotay was relatively silent and simply enjoyed the atmosphere. Kathryn's personal favourite character was obviously the princess, running around giving orders and still looking graceful although she was wearing that strange "nightgown" as they had dubbed it. Chakotay noticed and leaned towards her. His voice was quiet at her ear ad made her flesh tingle. "What I'd give to see you wear your hair like that," he grinned mischievously. Kathryn only shot him a look of mock-indignation and bombarded him with some popcorn. "Don't you dare insult the princess." He laughed silently as they continued to watch, occasionally grabbing some popcorn from 'their' bowl.

Tom and B'Elanna had not been oblivious to their friendly bickering and smiled at each other knowingly.

Near the end of the film, even B'Elanna was quiet with anticipation and grabbed Tom's hand. Kathryn grabbed her dress. Chakotay grinned. Even though they all knew there had to be a happy ending, B'Elanna and Kathryn were fidgeting. When Han Solo came back, saving the day, they both had little fits of excitement and in near unison said "I knew it!" under their breaths. As Luke fired the final shot destroying the Death Star, B'Elanna wasn't even bothered by the technical stupidity anymore and she and Kathryn simply grinned at each other in understanding.

When the film was over, they enjoyed the end credits for a while in silence. Then, suddenly, B'Elanna broke out laughing. "I just imagined the same setting with the species we met so far--" Harry grinned. "Yeah, can you imagine? 'Obiwan, you will be assimilated'!" Harry breathed like Vader and the others giggled. Chakotay joined in. "The Force is irrelevant." They all broke down laughing now, wiping tears from their eyes.

They continued like this for a while, and Kathryn felt like she hadn't had such a good time in years.


	3. The First Night

They planned to meet again in two days to watch the sequel, and B'Elanna and Kathryn agreed that Han would get the girl and Vader would eventually be fried. Chakotay and Kathryn strolled to their quarters, still chatting and giggling about some or the other detail from the film. When they arrived, Chakotay wished they hadn't. She seemed reluctant to go as well. He had felt so comfortable around her all evening, he wished she could be like that every day. He knew that eventually she'd back off, but he wanted their familiarity to last, so he plucked up his courage and asked if she wanted to come inside for a nightcap. She hesitated for a moment, but then smiled and simply nodded.

They sat on the couch, close, like they had the entire evening, and sipped some tea. After they had sat a while in silence, both simply savouring the moment, Chakotay realised that the silence wasn't bothering either of them. He smiled and thought that there weren't many people he could feel so comfortable around, people who simply enjoyed being there with him. She had the same need for silence as he did, she understood. She probably needed it more, the stress of every day was sucking the strength out of her, one day at a time. He was so glad she had been happy for one night. He never dared to nourish a hope about her giving in to him, loving him, he knew she was set in her decisions, and seemed to live alright with that. But he hoped they'd go back to being closer friends.

She put her cup down and leaned back against the side of the sofa, looking out to the stars. He smiled at her beautiful face, lit by starlight, her thoughts probably lightyears away. He looked out as well. He thought about a few things from the film and grinned. It had been a great night. He was looking forward to the next 'movie night' at Paris'. They had agreed on using someone else's rations the next time, which was only fair. He looked back at Kathryn... she had fallen asleep. Her face was more relaxed now, it seemed she had been in constant thinking mode before, and now she was quiet and at peace. If she could have seen the affection in his eyes, she probably would not have been so quiet, but rather found a hasty excuse to leave. But now he had her with him. Somehow, her giving in to sleep in his quarters made him understand just how much bound them. They felt at home with each other.

He gently gathered her up in his arms, almost shocked at how little she weighed. He promised to stuff her with more popcorn next time. Although she had actually almost eaten all of it by herself today, he mused, smiling at the small, beloved figure in his arms. So fragile, and yet she had that iron will to keep her going, to get them all home. He placed her in his bed, took off her shoes and covered her with his blanket. She turned onto her side, making little noises indicating comfort and warmth. He smiled, placed a soft kiss on her hair and grabbed a blanket to sleep on the couch. He looked back at her one last time, silently renewing his vow: _I will always be there, by your side, to protect you and make your burden lighter._

* * *

Kathryn awoke slowly, there was no computer alarm. She felt well rested and comfortable, but a little disoriented. The pillow smelled differently. It all smelled familiar though. _I'm in Chakotay's bed._ Her mind quickly returned to the night before. The thought of him carrying her to his bed made her knees weak. And something in her belly told her that she would give anything, even her damned protocols, to have been awake at the time. She had felt so happy the night before.

Suddenly she was wide awake. She saw herself striding onto the bridge, him next to her, distant, because she had pushed him away again. That's how it had always been – and suddenly she felt very different from what it had 'always been' like. Anger, fear, loss. She didn't want to lose this feeling. She didn't want this moment of peace to be just one moment. She wanted it to expand, wrap around her life, Voyager, the whole Quadrant. Her heart felt like a tight knot. Him. She needed him.

A sense of hurry grabbed hold of her. She stirred and sat up, blinking. Then she heard the most beautiful voice in the world.

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

Her heart stopped.

"Coffee?"

She stared at him – he had been standing there, waiting for her to wake up. She felt her cheeks getting warmer and warmer. The only thing she could summon was "thanks" as she accepted the cup of steaming coffee.

He gave her a few minutes to gather her senses. Gods, she looked so adorable. He wished he could see her like that every day. Especially every morning. The implications of that thought made his heart beat faster. He saw her dishevelled hair, the hazy look on her face as she took a deep gulp of coffee. He briefly imagined things he shouldn't, like ruffling through that hair and kissing away the haziness. He shook that thought. _Don't even think about it. Get yourself together._

She woke him out of his musings, but the cute sleepiness in her voice wasn't helping. " That was probably the nicest wake up call I've ever had. Just four words, and one of them was coffee." She grinned and he laughed. The tension shrank away and made way for genuine happiness between them. _When have I last seen her like this? Have I ever? No, I haven't._

"Well, I'm due on the bridge – if anyone asks, I'll simply say you're getting acquainted with my bed and they'll—hey!" She had thrown a pillow at him and growled playfully. "Like hell you will... I'll toss you out of an airlock first!"

He laughed and threw the pillow back to her. Shrieking, ducking, laughing, she grabbed it, hugged it.

_So. Beautiful. Argh._

"Just kidding." She pulled Janeway-Glare No.5: _You better be._

With great reluctance, Chakotay tore himself from the magical moment. "I'll be on the bridge, take your time." He really hoped she would, he wanted her to have the privilege of the moment as long as possible.

When he turned to leave, Kathryn made a sudden movement, toppled forward on the bed and held out her hand briefly. "Chakotay, wait, I ---" she stopped herself. _I'm not ready to tell him, yet. But I'm on my way..._

He searched her eyes, curious, a little confused. "Never mind," she smiled. "See you later." He nodded, smiled, turned away. As he left she saw him shake his head before the doors closed – in disbelief? Or to shake the moment away, to put on command mode. She knew exactly how that felt. She threw herself back on the bed with an exasperated sigh, still holding on to his pillow.

* * *

On her way to the bridge, the Captain was delayed, first to check on astrometrics – Seven had discovered some nebula, again – then sickbay – the doctor wanted to tell her about his latest microbiological breakthrough personally – and lastly engineering, but that one she enjoyed. She winked at B'Elanna as she stepped next to her at the Warp Core and murmured in a low voice "so how's the Force with you today, lieutenant?" B'Elanna giggled very uncharacteristically which drew the attention of one Vulcan eyebrow. Now Kathryn had a quick laugh. She was very happy. Not only was she surprised to notice that the light-hearted feeling she had woken up with hadn't left her when she 'became' the Captain again. She also realised that it wasn't interfering with her duties at all, on the contrary, her mood probably worked wonders for the crew around her.

She was right – everyone seemed quite happy in engineering, though probably due to B'Elanna's good mood. Today, it seemed to Kathryn, she was on a different ship than the weeks and months before. A door had opened for her and she hadn't even stopped to look before she walked through it. Situations and moments that wouldn't have happened in the Alpha Quadrant had happened here, on Voyager, and suddenly she was perfectly alright with it. She almost made a face. _To think that all it took was Tom's movie night..._

"Captain?"

B'Elanna's quizzical look made Kathryn realise she'd said that out loud. She looked embarassed, but B'Elanna didn't push her, just smiled a little too knowingly. But what the hell. The Captain was glad she and her chief engineer had grown a little closer the night before. Having a woman as a close friend, her confidante, was something she hadn't realised she was missing. Her sister had always been there for her back home, but on Voyager Chakotay and Tuvok were closest to her. B'Elanna and her may have had their differences, but somehow, a friendship was developing, and Kathryn liked that.

What she didn't know that moment was that Tom and B'Elanna hadn't been able to resist: First thing in the morning, they had checked internal sensors. _Captain Janeway is in Commander Chakotay's quarters._ They both had trouble wiping silly smiles off their faces for the rest of the day.


	4. A Normal Day

After the Captain was finished in engineering, she finally made her way to the bridge, butterflies in her stomach. Chakotay stood as she entered. She smiled, her tension slowly dissolving in face of a daily routine. "Status?"

"All system normal, Captain."

"Seven wants to check out a nebula that's only a few light years away." Chakotay shot her that 'doesn't she all the time?'-look and she couldn't help grinning. He didn't have any objections, it was almost on their way anyway.

"Set a course, Tom. I'll be in my ready room." Tom had been listening, smiling to himself, wondering what was going on through their minds.

"Aye Captain."

When she was gone, Tom checked the chronometer and looked back at Harry, who grinned back. Exactly 8.5 minutes after the Captain had left, Chakotay got up and paced a little. "Tuvok, you have the bridge."

As soon as he had disappeared for the Captain's ready room, Tom spun around and pointed at Harry. "Dammit Harry, you had me this time."

"Told you decency would win."

"Decency? Come-ON Harry, 8.6 minutes isn't very subtle. I was close."

Tuvok interrupted their bickering, as usual. "If you were betting on what I think you were, I suggest you terminate that exercise, gentlemen." He seemed a little annoyed by the happy mood on the bridge this morning.

"Don't worry, Tuvok, we were just having a bit of fun..."

"I am not worried, ensign. I am simply reminding you of your duties."

* * *

Kathryn's face lit up when Chakotay entered. He had been on her mind all morning. She was almost too happy to keep a straight face at all, finally knowing what she knew. He looked pretty pleased with her mood. They started out with coffee as she renewed her thanks about the night before. He simply stated that he was glad she got some sleep.

"Gods, I haven't slept that good in ages!" she exclaimed, before realising what she was implying. She felt so relaxed that moment she didn't think and blushed madly. He grinned his gorgeous dimpled smile, but said nothing to push the topic. They changed topic and spent a while just sitting there, chatting. Like usual, _but_, she thought, _it's different. So natural, there's no pressure, all the walls are down._

Chakotay invited her to have lunch with him in the mess hall, then he left. She felt stronger than she had for a long while. She went back to sorting through various reports, but today even the most boring things couldn't tear the smile off her face.

When Chakotay returned to the bridge, he noticed that Tom and Harry were grinning at him, before they quickly looked away. He realised that he must've radiated silly happiness when he left the ready room. They suspected something. He didn't care too much, and there was nothing, really, nothing had happened. _Yet,_ a little voice told him. He silenced it, but for the first time, hope dared to lift it's head again.

There wasn't much going on all morning, _for once, thank goodness, _Chakotay thought, and Tom spun around happily. "You know, my list of what I'd do with the Force keeps getting longer and longer."

Harry snorted a laugh. Chakotay looked amused. "Like what, for example?"

Tom turned dead serious and looked straight at Tuvok. He waved his hand a little.

"You want to have fun. You want to eat a chocolate sundae."

The way he stressed the last two words made Harry and Chakotay burst out laughing. Tuvok was not amused and merely shook his head in faint indignation. They continued a bit like this, Harry pretending to talk Neelix out of using leola root ever again and Chakotay wondering what the Doctor would have to say about Darth Vader's 'crude breathing apparatus'. He did quite a good Doctor impression. Laughing, they passed the time quickly.

Kathryn left her ready room at 1300 hours, and Chakotay joined her in the turbolift. They couldn't help seeing Tom eyeing them curiously but only smiled. _This is so strange, _Kathryn thought. _Nothing happened, and still I feel as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders._ A tiny voice in her head added _something will eventually come of it, now that you made up your mind._

But then she suddenly started to worry. The feeling of lost time came back to her. Was she too late? Was it okay to give it a few days to let this new feeling settle in? She glanced at him. He had been watching her, again that curious look on his face.

He couldn't figure it out. There was something going on insider her head, he knew that. He didn't want to interfere, since it seemed to make her happy. He couldn't help hoping, now, that she might come around. But he was scared this could only be a temporary change, seeing as life in the Delta Quadrant was hardly ever as quiet and crisis-depraved as it was that day.

During lunch they only talked about day-to-day business. Kathryn recalled something from a report about a young Ensign's pregnancy. Chakotay was usually better informed about these crew-things, so she bugged him about details. He happily obliged – apparently the woman from engineering was in a steady relationship with someone and it all looked rosy. She simply smiled and prodded her food. "And I thought this day couldn't get any better. I'm truly happy to hear about them."

At her first remark, Chakotay smiled broadly. It warmed her inside, but she also realised she'd said something a little too intimate again. Anything related to her wonderful wake-up call seemed intensely private to her now. She enjoyed actually having a private life at all to treasure now. It was still too fragile though, she couldn't simply talk about it and not blush.

The rest of the day passed normally, they reached Seven's fabulous nebula and conducted all sorts of scans. There was a layer of dense gas blocking one part of the nebula. Janeway stepped over to Harry. "I'd like to see what's underneath – can you recalibrate the sensors?"

Harry started working on it as she turned back to see a mischievous hint of a smile on Chakotay's face. His message was clear, almost screaming at her. _Am I glad I got to see what's underneath again. _She thought she might burst of happiness. She hadn't been sure about his feelings anymore. But now, she assumed because of her behaviour, he became bolder by the hour. She blushed and was immensely glad when Harry announced that the recalibrated sensors needed a while to penetrate the cloud. With a quick "keep me informed" she slipped away to her ready room. This time, Chakotay didn't follow her, but rather gave her some room.

* * *

By evening, they had gathered enough information to plan a salvage mission - some of the gas particles could be converted into energy. Tom, the Doctor and Seven were to take the Delta Flyer the next morning. Kathryn dismissed the meeting and lingered by the window for a moment. Chakotay lingered, too. As soon as everyone else was gone, she turned around and gave him a quick crooked smile. "Let's hope this once it doesn't turn into a disaster when we send out an away mission into a nebula. Last time my coffee addiction nearly got us all killed!"

He chuckled. Then he took his chance, trying to sound as casual as he could. He failed miserably. Gods, she still drove him crazy, even after all this time. "Dinner?"

She bit her lip. "I'd love to, but to be honest, I was a bit lazy today... and I've still got a pile of reports to go through."

"Isn't it the Captain's prerogative to be lazy once in a while?"

"Not this Captain's, Chakotay," she added with a sigh and gestured resignation. But he wasn't going to give up. "Then how about grabbing a snack from Neelix and then I'll help you with the pile."

She considered it. He almost expected her to come up with another excuse, maybe she simply wanted to be alone one night before they met up again the next day. He just couldn't help it, he suddenly wanted to spend every minute around her, making sure that smile stayed right where it was.

But she didn't object this time. His heart jumped. He offered his arm and together they made their way to the mess hall. Chakotay couldn't stop grinning like an idiot and made a mental note to behave more like a man and less like an adolescent. He felt like taking out his first date to dance, immensely proud to have her with him.


	5. Hopes and Wishes

The remnants of their sandwiches lay on the table in Kathryn's quarters. The pile of reports next to them was slowly getting smaller. But they weren't exactly working as fast as they could. Kathryn was sitting with her back to the sofa side again, her legs propped up in front of her. She waved her coffee mug around. "You know, Chakotay, sometimes I simply marvel at the details people put in their reports. I mean, honestly, reports like this one," she held up her PADD, "are the reason why we always need so long to get through them. This is Ensign Bronowski explaining in detail how he fertilized the Talaxian cucumber plants in the airponics bay," she sighed. "Is there some damned protocol making this amount of detail mandatory? Or are they scared I won't trust everyone enough to do their jobs? I mean.." she waved again, "I like to know what's going on on my ship – but ...fertilizing cucumbers?!"

He laughed at her exasperation. He sat opposite her, casually leaning back against the other side of the sofa. Her snappy remark about 'damned protocols' hadn't gone unnoticed. He smiled. "Then I suppose you shouldn't read this. It's an _interesting_ report on the Doctor's new ...breakthrough." Kathryn covered her face with her hand. "Oh God, yes... he mentioned it this morning."

He put on a nice mock-intrigued look. "Oh it's quite a read. Fascinating discovery. Unfortunately..." he paused, "...his findings only apply to Klingon-Bolian hybrids."

Kathryn nearly spilled her coffee laughing. "Let me guess – he mentions this detail only at the very end."

Chakotay sighed and tossed the PADD to the others. "Well, there's Chell, he's Bolian - would you like me to ask B'Elanna to 'contribute' to the advancement of medical science?"

She tried to look serious. "I think there's a regulation about unnecessarily risking the life of a crew member." They both laughed again. This time, he simply couldn't hide his feelings any longer. He had the distinct feeling that his face was an open book to her anyway. She became quiet and locked her eyes on his. He had tried to hold back his hope, but being with her like this was too much to handle. He needed to get away, afraid his open heart might frighten her back into her shell. He broke eye contact and started to pile the PADDs they had worked through. "It's late," he said. "I better let you catch some sleep." She seemed to welcome that suggestion and put her PADD and empty mug down, stretching. She looked so cute.

_Oh god, I need to hold her. No, actually I need to get out of here. Now._

He planted a quick kiss on her cheek, wished her a good night and was gone.

Lying in bed, Kathryn touched her cheek once more. He had left in a hurry, and she had seen why. It made her so happy to see him still needing her, but she was also a bit scared. The kiss – _oh come __on, it was more a peck, really –_ had felt so right, so gentle, and yet conveying an inkling of what lay beneath. Kathryn knew that he understood everything. _He knows something has changed; he's hoping again. And this time, I'm not going to let him down. I'll never break his heart again._ He read her correctly in every way. But Kathryn knew one thing he probably didn't dare to think yet. Had he just grabbed and kissed her, she couldn't have resisted for a second. For all she knew, this was the happiest she had been in a long, long time, and his kiss absolutely topped it off. She drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

Kathryn woke up refreshed. She immediately thought of the goodnight kiss and blushed happily. She tried to pull herself together, but no matter what she tried, the butterflies wouldn't leave. So she ended up on the bridge, monitoring the away mission, unable to wipe a smile off her face. When Chakotay arrived with preliminary data from astrometrics, her heart did a somersault. A smile and 'good morning' was not unusual. But today, the electricity between them was virtually visible. The change to the last couple of weeks was so abrupt, even Tuvok would notice. Turning in her seat, she sent a quick glance over to Tactical. Tuvok saw her distress. Looked quickly at the Commander, busy at his console. He seemed to figure it out, looked back at her and guessed what she needed. He gave a silent nod of approval. The Captain's face lit up. Tuvok never smiled, but she knew him well enough to see when he was pleased. She felt very much at ease now. She looked over at Chakotay. She didn't realise she was staring at him until he smiled. He kept his gaze on his PADD. "Sleep well?" His voice was almost inaudible, _thank God_.

_Not as good as in your bed._

She had it on the tip of her tongue, but at the last moment she recollected herself. W_e're on the bridge for heaven's sake! _He was looking straight at her now, probably waiting for an answer. And he saw her look. And knew what she thought. _Damn. Why is he always able to read my mind?!_

She pursed her lips and managed a very chaste but honest "yes, I did, thank you." He went back to his PADD... short of blatantly grinning he was thoroughly enjoying himself.

Harry had observed their little flirting session and smiled to himself. He almost felt sorry for Tom for not being there to see it. He'd gloat at him later.

"Paris to Voyager."

"Go ahead, Tom."

"Captain, we're collecting and testing samples from different locations within the nebula. So far everything's normal. Although I'm a little suspicious."

Janeway looked up, concerned. "Why is that?"

"Well, normally, about ten minutes into any away mission we get shot at, swallowed by unknown phenomena or crash land on a planet. I don't trust this nebula."

The bridge crew laughed. Harry responded. "If you run into any bad guys, be sure to replicate yourself a bunch of light sabres." Now it was only the Captain, Chakotay and Harry to giggle and the others gave them quizzical looks. Tuvok rolled his eyes.

* * *

Janeway thought about Tom's words when she sat in her ready room later. She knew he had meant it jokingly, but she also realised how much a little peace and quiet had to offer. A few days without anything weird or dangerous happening. They always joked that "weird was part of the job", but she knew that a boring shuttle mission could be heaven compared to what they had been through before.

That would explain her relaxed mood. She wondered what was going to happen next. _Tonight I'll be sitting next to him again. Maybe another nightcap later? _She honestly didn't know how much longer she could keep this up. _Funny_, she thought. _Somehow, whenever I was really depressed, I used to think of moments where one of us was dying ...and we would acknowledge our love only then – when it was too late ….and there were no consequences. _Now, it threw her head spinning like a plasma storm. She had not really thought about afterwards, ever. Okay, there were weak moments when she thought of much later, maybe a family, back on earth... but she hadn't actually imagined what a relationship on Voyager would be like. How nice it could be. She thought of Tom and B'Elanna. She had simply dismissed it as impossible for herself._ And I always expected that something drastic had to happen before I changed my mind on anything. _She was checked out of her musings when she heard the door chime. To her surprise, it was Tuvok.

He surprised her even more with his next request. "Captain, I have observed that you and the other participants of Mr. Paris' so called 'movie night' seem to be in a good mood since that evening."

She grinned and answered with affection in her voice. "A good observer, Tuvok, as always." She couldn't help but feel deeply gratified to have him on this journey. He was one hell of a rock to rely on. Besides Chakotay, of course.

"It was a shame you didn't join us."

"A mistake I intend to rectify, Captain. It seems I dismissed the invitation to quickly, seeing it only as pointless entertainment."

She raised an eyebrow. "And now you don't?!"

He simply continued. "It seems your gathering has had a positive effect on crew morale, as well as on the relationship of you and the Commander." She blushed. _Damn you, Tuvok._

"Seeing that you seem to be happy, I simply wanted to give you my best wishes."

She blushed even more and only managed a weak "it's not what you think.." under her breath.

"I wish to participate in tonight's gathering." She was stunned. "To observe how a film raised crew morale? Or to spend time with your shipmates?" She couldn't imagine anyone he'd less like to spend time with than Tom Paris. "I believe both would be beneficial."

She smiled. "I'll be glad to see you. But be warned: this is decadent entertainment!"

"I'm sure I'll manage, Captain." A tint of sarcasm in his voice, he raised an eyebrow.

"Alright, Mr. Tuvok, I'll see you tonight, when the Empire strikes back, don't be late!" she stood and laughed as he left. She quickly informed B'Elanna of the additional guest. She laughed in shock, but seemed curious to see Tuvok off duty. This was going to be fun, Kathryn thought.

But no matter how hard she tried, her mind kept going back to Chakotay next to her, teasing, Chakotay carrying her to his bed......


	6. The Empire Strikes Back

It turned out that Tom's fear was ungrounded. The nebula was simply a nebula, they acquired a few tons of different gasses that the engineers and scientists on board could use. The Captain was really glad – she knew exactly what her helmsman thought. These two days had been so quiet and full of pleasure that something was bound to go wrong sooner or later. But the day simply went on uneventfully. Later in the afternoon she received Tom's report. She expected him to leave again, but he lingered, obviously something on his mind.

"Tom?"

He didn't beat around the bush. "Are you coming tonight?" He clasped his hands. The Captain gave him her mock-indignation-half-smile. "Are you kidding? I'm dying to know what happens next!" He grinned. "And.." she had walked around her desk and leaned towards him confidentially. "...how Han gets the girl." She smiled mischievously.

He laughed now. "You're just like B'Elanna." She pulled a face. "--I, I mean, it's nice to see you get along." He smiled a warm, honest smile. Kathryn was glad she had seen him grow into such a confident, good-natured person.

When he left, he basically exchanged places with Chakotay, who was in before the door had closed again. He pulled out a report PADD from behind his back, she thanked him and glanced over it. When she looked up again, she was staring into a small, beautiful bouquet of white lilies. A huge smile spread across her face as she took it. "Oh, Chakotay... that's sweet, what's the occasion?"_ I have a pretty good idea what the occasion is,_ she thought. Looking up to him, she noticed he was standing a little closer than before. Closer than usual. _His smile. Gods, he smells good. Such wonderful eyes. Argh._

But he didn't cross that bridge yet. "Oh just glad you're in a good mood..." Her heart was beating madly. He casually strolled to the replicator. "...and trying to keep it that way." _Just stay in the room, then, and maybe get naked? _She had to suppress a grin at her somewhat... radical thinking. But when she had been pondering the 'consequences' of their flirting and teasing, she always ended up in his bed. Although she grew nervous at the thought, out of practice and all, she also felt other instincts awaken that she had carefully buried over the last years. Back on New Earth, resisting him had been difficult._ Why the hell did I do that again?_

He placed the flowers in a vase he'd replicated and sat down on her couch. She joined him and tried to concentrate on his report instead of his muscles. She read about a great idea that Ensign Wildman had come up with. She was back in scientific-curiosity mode. "This sounds promising – do you think she'll be able to do that?" She was enthusiastic.

Chakotay saw her eyes smile and gleam, he loved it when she was fascinated by something. But he was sure that something in her had changed as well. Her eyes told him what he had hoped for so long. _She actually blushed. And her voice is softer when she talks to me. _

"I think so, yes. I already told her to enlist a few more people to help her."

"Good, let me know how it turns out."

"I will. Oh, and..." he got up. "... I'll see you tonight?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." _Wouldn't miss you for the world! _"After all, B'Elanna and I can't wait to see what happens to the princess!" She said that deliberately. And it worked.

"Don't worry, Kathryn, you know the handsome smuggler will get through to her eventually." He winked at her and left._ He might have as well said Maquis, because that's what his eyes said._

* * *

Kathryn and Chakotay had taken on providing the replicator rations for the evening and were filling the table with beer and popcorn when Harry and Tuvok arrived. Tuvok raised an eyebrow, probably because of the virtually non existent nutritional value of the 'meal', but didn't say anything. Kathryn really was surprised now. She went over to the replicator where Chakotay was standing and leaned closer. "You know, I think I'm getting a little worried about him. One could think he's going through the pon farr or something," she murmured so Tuvok wouldn't hear. Chakotay grinned and looked over his shoulder. "Well, if he makes a pass at you, he's gonna have to deal with me first." With that he turned back to the others and left her, very flustered, to take in his words.

B'Elanna was already sitting on the couch expectantly, legs crossed underneath her. Tom was finishing programming the TV and called them all over. Harry passed Tuvok a beer and smiled. "Glad you could make it tonight. Need an update on what you missed?" The Vulcan eyed the beer suspiciously and put it down again. "I've familiarized myself with the plot, thank you." Harry grinned.

They sat like before, although Chakotay imagined that Kathryn was sitting a little closer this time. He had his arm around the back again. Tom gave B'Elanna a kiss on the forehead and nestled an arm around her. Harry and Tuvok got comfortable, Chakotay bent forward and grabbed a bowl of popcorn. "My turn," he smirked at his lovely Captain, who shot him a playful Janeway-Glare No. 3: _You better watch out. _At least this time they were prepared for the fanfare.

Again, there was a great deal of commenting, especially at the beginning with the 'snow beast'... and B'Elanna and Kathryn grinned at the bickering of Han and Leia. They quickly saw though, that this film set a more depressing mood than the one before, and before long, Chakotay felt Kathryn actually snuggle up against his shoulder. His heart seemed to expand. Tom smiled at him over the two women's heads. It was a sincere glad-for-you smile, and Chakotay returned it openly. He realised that Tom was actually a good friend, more serious than he'd like people to believe.

In the scene where Han goes to help the princess and ends up kissing her, B'Elanna and Kathryn actually grabbed each others' hands and sighed. Chakotay grinned. He hadn't known they had such a soft spot for romantic stuff. He figured that he wasn't the only one Kathryn was forging new connections with these days.

Tuvok deemed Yoda's methods 'logical' and 'efficient', while Tom cringed at the X-Wing sinking into the swamp. Apart from Tuvok, everyone snickered when Vader killed off one of his pawns, in turn promoting another. Tuvok simply stated that he was glad the Captain didn't employ such methods. Kathryn giggled. Her hair tickled Chakotay's neck.

B'Elanna became quite aggressive when Lando came into the picture. "It's a trap for God's sake, how can they not...?" She was lost for words. Tom chuckled. When it in fact turned out to be a trap shortly after, B'Elanna only muttered "Idiots...told you so" under her breath. Kathryn visibly suffered the whole torture scene through and involuntarily grabbed Chakotays shirt. He noticed her biting her lip. She started for a second when he gently plucked her hand from his shirt and cradled it with his instead, softly brushing a thumb over her slender fingers. She tensed up even more for a while, shivering, but then gradually relaxed and snuggled even closer against his body.

B'Elanna quickly decided that Lando definitely belonged in the 'dirty petaQ' group, along with Goldfinger. And when Luke wandered into the trap, she simply threw her arms up in frustration at how stupid people could be. Tuvok quietly informed her that her comments were illogical since the film wasn't going to change. She shot him a glare and the others grinned. But soon her attention was captured again, and when Leia confessed her love, she was quiet and a little more subdued. Kathryn stifled a tear and had a look of full sympathy on her face. Chakotay planted a soft kiss on her hair, almost in passing, not even noticing what he was doing. B'Elanna noticed though, and she smiled, very content.

Then, things happened quickly. Hand chopped off. They all winced. _No, I am your father. _They all exploded; apart from Tuvok at any rate.

"NO Way." "I agree. Absolutely ridiculous." "It seems illogical to detect family affiliation through feelings." "Well, blood is thicker than water..." "I actually had a feeling this would--" "Liar."

At the end, B'Elanna could only add "like hell would I let _him_ take off with the Falcon!"

The room turned darker when the credits ran, which they enjoyed for a while, all chattering on about the film. All, apart from Chakotay and Kathryn, who seemed awfully quiet. Harry and Tom were discussing building an X-Wing whereas B'Elanna bent around to look at Tuvok. She did not fail to notice how preoccupied the command team was, and took in their joined hands. She was really grinning now. "So, Tuvok, what do you think?" Kathryn and Chakotay snapped out of it and Chakotay let go of her hand. They tried very much to concentrate on Tuvok, who was considering the question thoroughly.

"It was a fascinating opportunity to study humanity's visions of the future, or rather space exploration. However, I must take my leave now, and will gladly explain my observations to you tomorrow." He got up. "You do that.." B'Elanna yawned. When he had left, Harry grinned. "He just didn't want to admit he actually enjoyed himself."

Laughter. Kathryn was so glad the laughter on this ship never died. But at the moment she didn't feel like laughing anymore. She wasn't tired, but she was paralysed. Her entire body was painfully aware of the man beside her. The man she loved. Craved. His hands caressing hers. _Gods, what happens now?_


	7. Surrender

Leaving seemed to be a good option. She and Chakotay promised to be back the following night to watch the last film, said goodnight and left. After a while, she chuckled. He searched her face. "What is ist?"

"I wonder..." He looked at her. She was smiling, but wouldn't say another word. They walked close together. Then, slowly, her arm crept up behind his back. It gave him goosebumps. She tentatively laid her arm around his waist and tuned her steps with his. He took a deep breath, reached up, laid his arm around her shoulders. They were in the corridors, any crewmember might see them. He almost wanted to meet someone to see her reaction. She didn't seem to bother, but he knew this was an enormous effort for her. Her biggest fear had always been the crew's reaction. She valued her privacy, but she knew as well as he did that any on-board relationship could never stay a secret for long. Any passing crewmember might still see this as normal behaviour – but this was in fact very off-duty, very private. He didn't think anyone could appreciate this more than he. _This feels so right, and she finally admits it._

When they reached their quarters, neither of them wanted to let go.

"This is it," he managed. His voice betrayed him. She looked up and seemed to dive into his eyes, never to emerge again. For an eternity, he lost himself in her eyes, savouring every fiber of her being. Seeing all that was repressed fight an open battle. And he had to let her fight that one by herself.

_Someone might see us._

_And?_

_They might think..._

_What?_

_That we're close. A couple._

_They already do._

_It would be inappropriate._

_Why, exactly?_

_There are rules._

_There is no real rule against this, and you know it._

Kathryn felt his heartbeat. His warm hands on her partly bare arms. She sank into his eyes. Saw all the things she was longing for. All her happiness, she knew that now, lay in these eyes, these arms, that smile. It was her undoing and her salvation.

_I'm the Captain. What will come of it? I can't, I mustn't._

And then it was all gone. She sank into his embrace, letting her head drop incredibly slowly against his chest. His heartbeat became her universe, his breathing her stars. She didn't stop and turn for one last look, she never took one last breath. She took the plunge. Nothing else mattered.

She never said a word, didn't let him in. And yet he felt her struggle. He was patient – the cards were on the table, now she needed to work this out for herself, inside. When she finally surrendered, falling, sighing, he knew. Kathryn gave up her longest, hardest battle – against herself. And made peace. He simply held her close, one hand stroking her hair, the other tenderly on her back. He couldn't draw her too close, he didn't want to send the wrong signals. Her head was lying against his chest, her eyes closed. Sure, they had hugged before. But this was certainly different. He was so aware of her now. _Her smell so familiar. So close. Soft hair._ She was no Captain, no Starfleet officer then, just a woman. His heart beat so loud that he bet they could still hear it two decks down.

Later, he was never quite sure what had happened next.

Chakotay felt like he was being steered by something he could not control, as he lowered his head, brushed his lips over her cheek. Her eyes slowly opened. They were only inches away from each other now. He longed for her. Ached inside. He saw that same longing, aching in her eyes, knew how she felt.

And then he kissed her. Gently, carefully, slowly, but with increasing determination. He felt his heart expand, his mind go blank. On the edge of consciousness he heard her moan quietly, surrendering. Shivers ran down his spine. She came completely undone now. Held onto him for dear life. He dimly noticed that she seemed to collapse in his arms, so he held her tightly. He felt no restraint, no doubts. Just her, giving in to love, fiercely claiming him, who had always been hers.

It seemed a lifetime before they emerged breathless. He gently continued to caress her face with small kisses and nudged her with his nose. Kathryn smiled, relieved, happy, her heart exploding in her chest. _What took me so long..?_

She heard him whisper in her ear, it tickled. "I'm so glad."

She grinned, tears showing in her eyes. "So am I," she whispered. "So am I."

Chakotay pulled her into a tight embrace once more, holding her, as if he couldn't quite believe it yet. It felt so good to be held, to be loved. His warmth spread through her. After a while, the situation seemed to sink in – _What the hell happens now. I want him. But.. I'm scared. Not too fast._

He pulled away, cupping her face with one hand. His eyes searched hers, a somewhat incredulous smile still playing around his lips. "What happens now?"

She fought down the urge to either run away or pull him into her quarters.

"Well..." she managed. "You could tuck me in. That would be consistent with your new duties.."

He grinned. And took in her meaning. She tried to lighten the mood so they wouldn't get carried away... yet.

"New duties, I see." His dimples were killing her. "And apart from tucking in the Captain.. what would they be?"

She grinned mischievously just before she turned and put in her code. The door opened and they moved in quickly. She let out a breath. He chuckled. "You really _were_ still scared stiff that someone might see us, right?" She flashed him a cheeky glare and held her head up high, which proved difficult since she was taking off her shoes. _She is so adorable. _He realised he was probably grinning like an idiot.

"I'll have you know.." - big tug on one boot - "..Starfleet Captains are not.." - tug on the other boot - "..scared stiff." With that, she chucked them into a corner and stepped toward him again, a bit smaller now. He stroked her cheek again and they simply looked at each other for a while, relaxed, loving smiles on their faces, simply appreciating the other's presence.

Then she seemed to have an idea. She took a step back and slowly reached up behind her. He heard a zipper noise, and seconds later, her dress dropped to the floor. From the look on her face, his jaw mus have dropped. _Ok, she doesn't want to rush things, but this is not helping. Definitely not a regulation bra. Concentrate, Chakotay, concentrate. _She turned away and slowly made her way to her bedroom. On the way she miraculously lost the rest of her clothes. _How do women do that anyway? One would think they practise this every day like a battle drill._

He followed her slowly enough to respect her privacy. He stood in the bedroom door, watching her pick out a silky nightgown. With her back still to him, she unhooked her bra and dropped it. Her soft skin was only lit by stars from the viewscreen. She silently changed into her nightdress, then turned her head over her shoulder, speaking quietly. "So how about a goodnight kiss?"

Her voice was shaking. He had been right – she was scared stiff. She needed him so much, but she also still needed some time – a tough balance. She was afraid that she might not be able to back off. But Chakotay seemed to understand quite well. He sat down on the bed, holding up a piece of the blanket for her and she crawled in quickly. He took great care tucking her in, no doubt because every time he 'passed' her face, she earned a gentle kiss. She was giddy with happiness now. He finally deemed her snuggled up perfectly and wrapped her in one last loving embrace, kissing her on the forehead. He stroked away a strand of hair from her face and whispered: "Sleep tight Kathryn."

"You too."

He turned and made his way toward the door; she held him back one last time.

"Chakotay?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you..."

He smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow."


	8. A Little Bliss

Chakotay found the way to his quarters, stepped inside and stood in the dark silence.

_Thank you._

Her soft voice hung in his head, his eyes closed, he savoured their last kiss on his lips. He still couldn't believe it. He had always thought that she would never surrender – and if she did, in his mind, she always did in a near-death situation. His greatest fear – she admitting her love when it was too late – was also a bittersweet hope that she might one day acknowledge their bond. _And today she did. Without pressure, she simply surrendered to sweet realisation. _

His mind was full of her smell, touch, the look in her eyes that spoke the words so clearly she had not said yet. He absent-mindedly changed his clothes and made his way to his bed. His body was still trembling with more heat than he wished to admit. He pledged to give her all the time she needed, now that he knew she was on her way. But his body had reacted to her instinctively. Always, he had thought her a beautiful woman – not just physically, but she herself was simply shining. But tonight, her body finally firmly in his arms, her soft lips under his, the sweet sound of that single moan, revealing a similar lust in her that she was not quite ready to accept yet... It sent Chakotay to an uneasy night full of strange, promising dreams.

* * *

The next morning, Harry stood at his station and recalled the night before. When Kathryn and Chakotay had left, Harry, Tom and B'Elanna virtually attacked each other with joyous recollections of what they had seen.

"Did you see? _He held her hand_!" "And she was really nervous at the end, wasn't she?" "I wonder where they'll end up tonight...?" "You will NOT check sensors again, Tom." "Why not, it would only... ouch!" he winced as B'Elanna hit him with a pillow. Harry laughed. "I wonder what Tuvok makes of it all."

Harry smiled to himself. This was going to be an interesting day. Tom had quietly sent word around that another betting pool was open. And they still had their little ready-room-bet going. Harry only hoped they weren't going too far. As Chakotay entered the bridge, Harry wasn't the only one who scrutinised him closely. Tom had a hard time glancing over his shoulder in the most subtle way. Chakotay was in a really good mood, but of course nothing was betrayed by that. When the Captain entered – _Kathryn_, Harry thought, _we called her Kathryn, and it was comfortable_ – he looked up from his PADD and greeted her. And there it was. Harry couldn't help grinning as he saw the silent sparkle between them. Something definitely happened.

The Captain checked their status, then went for her ready room and asked Chakotay to join her. Harry and Tom grinned, Tuvok tried to ignore them.

Kathryn heard the doors close and turned around slowly. "Well.. Good Morning." She was hellishly nervous, her belly was fluttering and her cheeks were warm. He closed the gap between them, didn't even stop, wrapped her in his arms and kissed her, warm, sweet and loving. She was taken aback at first, but happily returned his kiss. He looked at her, still holding her. "Good morning."

"Wow... I could get used to that."

"You better do. Because I plan to implement it in my daily routine."

She gave him a crooked smile. "Well, you certainly have the Captain's approval..." They shared one more indulging kiss, then, albeit grudgingly, tore away from each other. They still had to go through some reports on the nebula and something minor in the Flyer had broken down during the flight and needed to be fixed; After two hours of work, continually intersected by loving smiles, little off-duty conversations, they figured there was really nothing else to do. Kathryn was fidgeting now. She knew she could always _find_ something to do, but didn't want to. He leaned toward her and took her last PADD away. She grew even more nervous when he shuffled closer and took her hands.

"Kathryn, this seems to be another quiet day, and there really isn't much to do. Why don't you join me on the holodeck? We could have a little picnic for lunch?" He smiled hopefully. Normally, she would have declined immediately. "I'm sure noone would mind if the Captain got a little rest once in a while," he added with a twinkle in his eyes. She knew he was right. She worked more than anyone else and was continually reprimanded by the Doctor to eat and sleep more.

"Well... I am the Captain after all.." She smiled and he stood up happily, offering his arm. When they strode out to the bridge like that, she could see Tom's broad grin from the corner of her eye.

Before they reached their destination, the Captain got a call from B'Elanna to meet her in engineering. After a quick look around the corridors and a small kiss on her cheek, Chakotay had gone to prepare the holodeck and she headed off to deck eleven. B'Elanna immediately noticed the good mood her Captain was radiating. When she joined her at the warp core she couldn't help it. "You're in quite a mood today!"

The Captain blushed. _She's blushing? Wow, I don't know what you did, Chakotay, but it sure worked wonders._

"Just a good day, B'Elanna – for once, nothing's going wrong... or is it?"

The chief engineer pulled an apologetic face. "I'm afraid I must be the one to ruin your day... one of the gasses wasn't stable enough and it, well, kind of blew up in our faces." At the Captain's raised eyebrows she quickly added "but it's nothing to worry about, we have everything under control. Two minor injuries, nothing the Doc can't handle."

Kathryn sighed in relief and touched B'Elanna's arm. "You're gonna have to come up with bigger catastrophes today to ruin my day." B'Elanna smiled in surprise. "Well I hope I won't. It's good to see you're happy once in a while."

Luckily, they had stepped into the small lift and were on the second level now, out of earshot of the others now, because Kathryn lowered her head and looked lost in thoughts. B'Elanna stepped away from her console and tried to snap her out of it. "Kathryn?" She couldn't quite believe she was talking to her Captain like this, but somehow, they had found a new connection over the last days. She felt much more comfortable around her now.

"Just what he said."

"Who?" _I know who... obviously._

Kathryn sighed and leaned back at the wall. "Chakotay.." her voice caressed his name and her eyes seemed to focus on him, invisible, in her mind. B'Elanna grinned. "Well, he sure has a talent to point out the obvious, doesn't he?" The Captain looked at her now, a little surprised, trying to figure out the double meaning. B'Elanna came closer and lowered her voice a little more, touching Kathryn's shoulder. "Come on, we saw how you two looked at each other last night. And we're all happy for you." Seeing Kathryn blush now, the urge to flee in her eyes, B'Elanna put on a mischievous grin. "And if I may speak freely, _Captain_, it was about time."

Kathryn grinned nervously and couldn't quite muster an answer. When she was finished checking B'Elanna's data, she turned to go. And plucked up some courage. "Well, thank you B'Elanna, good work... and now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date on the holodeck."

B'Elanna grinned. "Have fun!" Kathryn looked truly thankful now. She hesitated, but then, suddenly grabbed B'Elanna and hugged her for a second, then sped away. B'Elanna was taken aback but happy that she had made a new friend.

When Kathryn entered the holodeck, she was stunned. _This is... he couldn't have. He wouldn't._

But he had. She walked through the forest and reached a clearing. The shelter was missing. She continued and reached the river. By the riverbank she saw him, lying on his back on a blanket, a small feast spread out next to him. She waited for a moment, simply taking in the scene. He had really programmed New Earth. The sun was shining, the trees rustling in the wind, the quick sound of the river in the air.

The hair in his neck stood on end. She was here. He opened his eyes and sat up slightly, turning around. She stood there, and even though she was in uniform, he saw her just as he had seen her back then. They both smiled and she stepped over to join him. As she sat down next to him, he saw a tear in her eye. He brushed it away with a thumb and gave her a small kiss.

"You did a really good job.. this looks just like the real thing."

"I remember it like it was yesterday."

"Yes, I know. Me too."

Before they could get too teary and emotional, he quickly presented her with his picnic. She got that excited, giddy look on her face again, especially when he produced a can of coffee. They feasted for a while, until Kathryn dropped back on the blanket, holding her belly. "God, I haven't been this stuffed for ages."

"That was the general idea." He grinned and packed a few things away to lie next to her, propped on his elbow. She closed one eye and glared at him suspiciously. "Admit it, this is all an elaborate plan by the Doctor."

"Arh, you've discovered our insidious plan!" They both laughed. He stroked her hair and watched the leaves and the sun create patterns on her face. Just as he lowered his head to kiss her, a comm call disrupted the blissful silence.

"Torres to Janeway."

They both sighed and sat up. "What is it, B'Elanna?"

"I'm really sorry to disturb you, Captain, but we're having trouble in engineering, you better come down here."

Chakotay pulled a face and added "B'Elanna, this better be important." From his playful tone, B'Elanna must have realised she wasn't interrupting the most crucial of moments. They could hear her exhale over the comm link. Kathryn grinned as B'Elanna apologized. "Sorry, Chakotay, I'll make it up to you, I promise."

Chakotay pulled her to her feet and they both tried their best to reinstate command faces. But a certain glow remained with them, and he hoped he'd never see it go away.


	9. Interruptions

When they reached engineering, they realised immediately that something was really wrong. People were rushing around, a smell suggested that a fire had recently been suppressed. "Report!" The Captain strode towards the core with determination. Suddenly a heavy jolt shook the ship, and Chakotay caught Kathryn just before she hit a wall. Her thankful smile met his warm gaze, then he shrugged apologetically. "I wonder why it always does that – regardless of what's happening." Kathryn rolled her eyes at that – the ship really made use of every possible excuse to shake them around.

B'Elanna was striding towards them. "I don't know what went wrong, Captain. One minute we had everything working, the next something exploded and we're still trying to figure out what makes every damn system down here fail!" She was really at her wits' end. She dashed around, barking orders, while Chakotay and Kathryn checked consoles. "At least the problem seems to be confined to engineering, and the warp core is in no immediate danger." She moved over and checked a wall panel. B'Elanna came back. "Captain, I think it's the gel packs. Some of the gas must have escaped through the conduits and now it's somehow infecting them."

"Chakotay to the Doctor. Report to Engineering."

"B'Elanna, can you disconnect the infected packs to stop it from spreading?"

"I already did, but they are literally too hot too handle. For some reason they have... developed some sort of fever, I think."

Kathryn stepped back to the console. "Janeway to astrometrics. Seven, scan the data from the nebula gasses for anything that might look like a virus." B'Elanna was already running back, raising forcefields, and sending several people to sickbay with burns. She also notified Tom and told him to go there and prepare.

"Acknowledged." The comm line closed and Chakotay turned to the Captain. "A virus? How could it get past the biofilters?"

She waved her hand. "I don't know, but I have an idea." She gestured at the data on the screen. "See this? The gasses are all normal... all but this one. It seems to have biological components... could very well be another Delta Quadrant speciality that our scanners are unable to detect." She rolled her eyes in annoyance.

The Doctor strode in and immediately went to see to another wounded crewmember emerging from the Jeffries tube. But as soon as the Captain saw him enter, she interrupted. "I'm sorry Doctor, but you're gonna have to leave your patients in Mr. Paris' capable hands. You have more pressing matters to attend to." And with that she ushered him over to the ever growing pile of gel packs B'Elanna had confined behind a forcefield. The Doctor's face became disgruntled with disgust as he began scanning the packs. "They are infected with a virus! How come these things happen all the time? You don't take any better care of your ship than you do of your bodies."

"Well, can you treat them?"

The Doctor collected a sample and put on his best superior are-you-lucky-to-have-me face on. "I'll analyse these and see if I can devise some kind of antigen."

When he left, Chakotay and the Captain shared annoyed sighs and a small smile. This wasn't such a bad situation, after all. Kathryn was glad that the least they had all gained from years in the Delta Quadrant was a certain equanimity. They had all had their share of terrors and near-death experiences - so how bad could this possibly be? They went back to help the rest of the engineering staff get things under control. Seven confirmed the Doctor's findings and worked with him to isolate the virus.

* * *

Later in the afternoon, they held a briefing. B'Elanna was relieved to report that engineering was back to its usual charming self, the Doctor confirmed almost all the gel packs 'healed' and some replaced. The other gasses from the nebula weren't dangerous and everything was fine. Tom made a comment along the lines of "I knew it.." and proved, again, that any uneventful day was a rare commodity. When all matters were discussed, Tom announced another movie night that evening. Although they were all a little tired, they welcomed the distraction. B'Elanna flashed an apologetic smile to Kathryn and Chakotay. Apparently, the budding knowledge that 'something' was going on had not been spread yet. Since the Doctor and Seven were present, Tom included them in his invitation, which the former accepted eagerly and the latter confirmed with a curt nod.

When the others were trailing out of the briefing room, B'Elanna shuffled closer to the Captain and lowered her voice. "I should warn you. I haven't said a word to anyone, but the betting pools are open and flourishing thanks to Tom's extensive hinting. See you tonight." She winked and left.

When noone was around anymore, Chakotay put his arms around the Captain, who relaxed visibly at his touch. She smiled. "You know, this makes any briefing more bearable." He pressed a tender kiss on her cheek. "So what do you say – shall we finish our picnic? As dinner perhaps?"

She turned in his arms. "Don't you think it was a little cool on New Earth at night?"

"Well that's one thing we can remedy, can't we?"

* * *

They were lying on the riverbank again, surrounded by a 'mild' breeze, stuffed with some wonderful vegetable dish Chakotay had cooked. Both on their backs, heads closely together, holding hands, they were studying the stars. "You even included Delta Quadrant stars." She simply stated the fact. He nodded mock-gravely. "Yes, well, wouldn't be the same without the monkey."

She turned her head to look at him in amusement. "The monkey?!"

"Yes, don't you see?" He pointed at a formation of stars in the centre of the sky and traced it. "There's the tail, a head... feet," he looked at her expectantly, eyebrows raised. She stared in concentration. After a while she shook her head and sighed in mock-desperation: "Sorry, looks nothing like a monkey to me. More like a.. hmm I can't quite make it out..."

Grinning broadly, he started teasing her. "I guess we'll have to work on those stargazing skills." She huffed and turned her head in indignation. "Bet you don't see the 'holy coffee cup of salvation' then either." She couldn't retain her repose now and broke out laughing. She held her belly, giggling happily. She pointed too now and teased back. "Oh well, I bet _you_ haven't discovered the southern leola root yet! See, it's right next to the cooking pot of doom!"

They both laughed and rolled on their sides. When they had calmed down, they only looked at each other. He opened his arms. "Come here." She happily obliged and snuggled against his chest. His voice dropped to a mere whisper. "I want to make sure it's these moments that define our journey."

She closed her eyes and was flooded with warm affection. This was all so new yet. But she was sure she'd never love another man as surely as she loved him right now, in this moment. He was life to her. She whispered too now. "Our journey.. together. Finally."

His arms tightened around her and he brought her face almost level with his. Their eyes locked, and even in the almost darkness she could make out every so familiar feature of his face. He was very serious now. "I don't want to... pressure you. But.." he hesitated. She looked at him earnestly and nodded to encourage him. "Well, I want to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into."

She smiled at that and raised an eyebrow. "I think I have a fairly good idea." But he still looked serious. "I mean it. You are the world to me, Kathryn. I.." He couldn't continue, his eyes seemed to water a little. She tenderly put a hand to his face and caressed his tattoo. A tear quietly slipped down her cheek. She sounded totally certain and steady when she next spoke. "I know. Don't worry. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me... I'm not going anywhere."

They still hadn't openly said the words. But as surely as she could read his love in his eyes, he understood her. This wasn't for fun and not uncertain as their previous relationship, this was made to last. He nodded and took her face in his hands. Softly, his lips found hers and they lost themselves in their embrace. Gently, his tongue started to explore and their kiss deepened more and more, her hands behind his neck and his drawing her head closer. Kathryn smelled the warm air and him, felt his strong arms around her, incredibly glad that he was not guarded or reserved. He offered everything to her, and was very confident – he knew exactly what he was doing to her, probably enjoying making her knees weak and her heart race. But he also knew what he wanted, needed. It was nice not to be 'in command' all the time. She let herself go completely.

They were positively entangled in rising passion when a computer beep announced the time. They both jumped and broke apart. It was 18:30, time to get ready for Tom's final Star Wars night. Chakotay smiled at her apologetically. "First Tuvok, then some virus, and now Voyager. I wonder if Tom and B'Elanna ever had similar problems. "

She laughed at his angry look at the forest, as if there was an unbidden intruder sitting there. She kissed him on the cheek. "I guess we're star-crossed lovers." Thinking of their earlier conversation they both laughed now. He beamed at her. "So we're lovers now, are we?" She leant to his ear and whispered: "Not quite yet... But I think we have all the time in the universe." Again, she made that silent promise to him. He had to fight his racing heart as she kissed him once more, sending thoughts and images through his mind ...of actually loving her, body and soul. _I wonder if she knows what she's doing to me._ He saw her sweet and somewhat smug grin. _Alright, she knows. She's driving me crazy. _But he decided he liked that. She could drive him crazy all she wanted.


	10. Return of the Jedi

Chakotay arrived at the new unofficial movie theatre a few minutes late, and everyone else was already there. He greeted Kathryn with a warm smile. They had agreed not to openly acknowledge their budding relationship just yet. Even though it was no secret that something was going on, they valued that last shroud of uncertainty as long as it lasted.

Tom handed him a beer – _weird stuff, but I could get used to it –_ and everyone was settling on and around the couches, already joking and laughing about the previous films. Seven pointed out that she had gotten an 'efficient' summary from Tuvok, to which the Doctor added sarcastically "you can imagine how entertaining that was – Tuvok left out none of the saucy details!" Tuvok raised an eyebrow, the others grinned.

Somehow, they all managed to fit around the small table. Harry had graciously offered the armchair to Seven and settled on the floor with a pillow - for that he earned a playful sigh from Tom. He also handed her some popcorn, highly encouraging her to try it. The Doctor had actually reprogrammed his clothes and looked comfortable, sitting next to Tuvok, who in turn didn't look as if he appreciated the Doctor's proximity. Chakotay sat down on his usual spot next to Kathryn, who was already bent over her popcorn and chatting away with B'Elanna. He marvelled again at their talent to transform into giddy girls when they met up like this. Six years ago, if he'd been asked to describe B'Elanna, the last word to consider would have been 'girly'. As soon as the room darkened, Kathryn's hand found his and his arm crept around her shoulders. A now familiar and welcomed warmth spread through him.

_Return of the Jedi_ was great fun, and even Seven and Tuvok seemed to 'enjoy' themselves. B'Elanna and Kathryn sighed when they saw Han Solo and grabbed each other's hands when Leia tried to save him. Tom giggled and earned a slap. Seven wanted to start an argument over the attractiveness of men in general, but was quickly silenced by the others. The Doctor was particularly disgusted by Jabba and suggested immediate treatment. During the evening he also exhibited strong sympathy for the droids, especially C3PO, who was 'treated unfairly by everyone' and reminded him of 'someone he knew'. The boys whistled at Leia's slave girl outfit and cheered when she killed Jabba. Chakotay suggested a redesign of the Voyager uniforms in slave-girl-attire and Jedi coats, because it came off so dashing. Tom and Harry supported the idea and added a replacement of phasers with lightsabres to the list.

"I can assure you gentlemen, that would be against protocol."

Kathryn surprised them. "Oh Tuvok, I think a Jedi outfit would look particularly … 'dashing' on you." Quoting Chakotay she grinned up at him. He had to resist to kiss her in front of everyone, and it wasn't easy.

They were all excited at the following battles, and Harry planned to recreate them on the holodeck. Tom was raptured at the race through the woods and put the small racers on his to-build list along with an X-Wing.

"That would hardly be an efficient use of your abilites; these are impractical vehicles."

"It's not about efficeny, Seven, these are FUN."

"I'm sure Luke and Leia wouldn't agree."

They all stared at her now, and Seven curled up a smug smile. Realising she was joking they all laughed and the Doctor complimented her on her improved social skills – which completely sent Tom into a fit of giggles. "Yeah, Doc, you'll make a comedian of her yet." B'Elanna grinned and Harry tried his best not to look too amused.

What completely knocked them all off their seats were the Ewoks. While Kathryn only mumbled that they were 'somewhat cute', B'Elanna was nearly hysterical with laughter. Someone mentioned how glad they were for universal translators, so they wouldn't have to rely on smart ass droids. The Doctor only huffed. When Luke went to talk to Vader, Harry couldn't resist imitating him again.

"Resistance is futile."

"I find that analogy flawed." Harry looked up, a little scared, but then saw Seven giving him a lopsided grin. He tried to put on an innocent look. A little later the Doctor suggested skin cream for the emperor, but was quickly silenced by the others who followed the – according to Tom, 'epic' - lightsabre battle. Not even B'Elanna could rant about the 'structural integrity' of the Death Star anymore because she was so enthralled by the space fight. Tom and her had both leaned forward, moving with the flying ships.

At the happy ending, they all relaxed and leaned back, enjoying the mood set by the music. B'Elanna and Kathryn both had tears in their eyes, and were especially joyed by Han and Leia. Harry complained that Luke didn't get a girl. Chakotay was smiling all the time, whether it was because of her in his arms or the film, Kathryn didn't know. He kissed her eyebrow when she turned her face to him. Her expression became a little surprised and shocked, and Chakotay looked equally surprised by his action, but only Tuvok had seen them, and raised an 'intrigued' eyebrow. Kathryn was a little nervous. In her mind she always pictured Tuvok as her last hurdle. He seemed to embody all that Starfleet held dear, all the principles and regulations, even more than herself. If he hadn't already shown her his support, she didn't know what she would do.

After a while, Tom grinned at Tuvok. "You've been awfully quiet, Tuvok – wasn't there anything worth commenting on?"

"I have had many chances to _comment_ on illogical characters or plot development. However, I saw no purpose in this action."

Seven sat up straight. "This activity is a waste of time." As they all looked somewhat disappointed, she quickly added, "but it is a good way to enhance my experience in social gatherings. I thank you for the opportunity." Tom grinned. "Anytime." B'Elanna shot him a warning glare, but he only winked back. They continued to chat about the film and Tom's construction plans for a while, but Kathryn was quiet, only listening for a change. She really enjoyed being with her officers – her friends like this, a casual meeting, where she could just be Kathryn and didn't have to order anyone around. She was surprised that they all accepted her so easily, she had expected more reserve toward her. Just as her feelings for Chakotay added to her happiness, so did having fun with her crew – and neither was interfering with her duties. She didn't need to drop the happy, caring part of herself when she put on her uniform. This was a remarkable experience – _how much have I denied myself?_

Tuvok and Seven after a while agreed to leave and as the Doctor was about to embark on an extensive analysis of Darth Vader's implants in comparison with Borg technology, they all quickly made excuses to cut the evening off. The Doctor was disappointed, but Seven invited him to share his thoughts with her – after she'd regenerated. Before Kathryn made it to the door, she looked at Tom, B'Elanna and Harry, who were starting to clean up a little. When Tom noticed, he came over. "Something the matter Kathryn?" She still wasn't used to them calling her that, but it felt good.

"I'm just glad..." She didn't elaborate. Tom understood and nodded, smiling.

Chakotay stepped next to her, seeing that she was getting a little emotional. He just wanted to take her in his arms, tell her how much he loved it to see her like this. He brought a few popcorn bowls and handed them to Tom. "Thanks for the nice evening. I hope this wasn't the last?"

"Oh I don't know. Wouldn't you rather go to the holodeck again?"

"I've been thinking. We could create a movie theatre programme on the holodeck. Feel up to it?"

Tom looked surprised but quickly caught on the idea. "Yeah, why not – we could watch classics and sit in the real chairs and all. Well, half-real anyway. Good idea."

"Well, they were your idea, the 'Voyager Movie Nights'. Don't complain if you're gaining followers! I expect regular reports on the project," Chakotay added with a wink. Tom grinned. "Yes, sir."

Chakotay offered a grinning Kathryn his arm. "You free for a nightcap?" Her smile spoke volumes. "Sure thing, _Commander_." She hooked her arm in his and they said their goodbyes. Just as they left through the door, Chakotay caught B'Elanna giving Kathryn a wink and a thumb up. He couldn't begin to fathom how Tom would assault her after that, pressing for saucy details. Kathryn grinned happily.

"Now what was that all about," Chakotay asked as they made their way to the turbolift. He marveled again at how good they could communicate without talking. Their hooked arms smoothly changed into arm-in-arm walking like the night before.

"Oh nothing," she grinned. "Just a girls' thing."

"I never pictured you the person for 'girls' things', I'm surprised – but impressed."

She grinned, slightly embarrassed. He bent down a little and whispered in her ear. "And I can assure you, this wasn't the first time." Kathryn blushed madly now. "Earlier on the holodeck... you're such an amazing woman." They stepped into the lift and he turned to pull her closer. She avoided his gaze but seemed flattered. He had never seen her so nervous and touched before. "I am a really fortunate man." Now she looked at him, smiling her infectious smile, her beautiful eyes sparkling. "And I am a very fortunate woman." Her expression turned playful, teasing. "But if you think flattery will get you anywhere..."

He finished for her. "I know it will." She glared at him – _she's such a fighter. Who knew she'd let me into her shell, see her like this... it must've taken her a lot of strength to give up her guard, to let me make her feel this way._

Just when she was establishing that she wouldn't fall for his 'nasty tricks', he silently took her face in his hands and kissed her gently. She first wanted to protest, but quickly wrapped his arms around him, surrendering once more. They quickly broke apart when the turbolift stopped; lucky, since a few metres into the corridor they met a crew member heading for the lift. She greeted them politely, but seemed the tiniest bit nervous about the command teams casual attire and flustered expressions. When they reached his quarters, Chakotay quickly punched in his code and they scurried inside.


	11. I love you

She was here now. They both knew – she probably wouldn't leave before morning. The knowledge of that hung between them, it created an unspoken tension. Just one little word and Kathryn could still leave for her own quarters, she'd draw the line. She didn't, but stood her ground in front of him, smiling nervously, obviously scared stiff now. He offered a cup of tea, she agreed.

They sat on the couch, closely, and sipped their tea in silence. He was watching her, smiling. She noticed and looked at him quizzically. Chakotay put a hand on her cheek. "You have no idea how glad I am to see you happy. These past few nights..." he put down his cup. "...were wonderful. You've been ...different."

She thought a moment. They hadn't really talked about this, and they were both unsure how to begin. It was nice to just let it happen, but she knew she had to say something now, before it went any further. When she locked her eyes on his, her voice was barely a whisper, and while she spoke she closed her eyes and lowered her head. "Something changed. And... I wasn't even aware of it, Chakotay." She looked up again. The softness in her eyes, the way she said his name made his heart go crazy in his chest. Kathryn put down her cup as well and moved closer, her head next to his, her breath on his neck, ear, shivers down his spine. "What happens now?"

"Whatever we want."

Her daring voice surprised him, but her unsteady voice betrayed her emotions. "Actually... I have been a little stiff all day..."

He grinned. "Gladly."

She turned and lowered her head. When his hands met her shoulders, she sighed and relaxed. She mumbled something. He leant closer. "Pardon?"

She hesitated and took a deep breath. "I said.. _what was I thinking_. Back then." He knew what she meant and squeezed her shoulders reassuringly.

"You did what you had to. I was glad then to see a different side of you." He took a deep breath. "It certainly was enough to realise I was... hopelessly in love with you." Her eyes snapped open and she slowly turned her head, surprised by his sudden admission, her face flushed with emotions. "And if it took you a while to figure it all out – well, better late than never." She smiled. _Relieved, _he suddenly thought. _She's really relieved. _He looked in her eyes. "Kathryn, you musn't feel guilty about anything. We've been through a lot together, and I wouldn't want to change the past years. Maybe this just needed time." She leaned closer and kissed him gently, conveying her deep feelings and gratitude. He smiled and motioned her to turn again. "I'd say you have quite a few backrubs to catch up on." He tried to be the gentleman, not let his arousal be too obvious. But concentrating suddenly became harder and harder as she let herself dissolve under his loving touch. All his thoughts became a haze, time seemed to stand still around them. He wasn't aware of anything else but his hands, covering her delicate shoulders, slowly massaging them. She moved her head around, slightly pressing herself into his hands. Her hair tickled his skin. He was caught between trying to concentrate on not losing his self-control and desperately seeking to take in the intoxicating scent of her body – he was in the desert, dying of thirst, and she was his oasis. A small sigh escaped her lips again, but this sounded less like relaxation, more like growing lust. She was shivering. He sat very close to her, felt her breathing. The ship could fall apart around them, and Chakotay knew he wouldn't care.

Kathryn had never felt anything like it. His hands kneaded away what was left of her doubts and fears. She felt his breath in her neck. Her feelings, so carefully stowed away all these years, burst out once more, overflowing, overcoming her defences. His warmth spread through her body. She felt the growing tingling sensation in her belly creep downwards. She was intensely aware of everything: His smell surrounded her, she could distinguish the texture of his hands, _his growing need. _She knew he wanted her. Badly. That was enough to drive her crazy – but his broad chest behind her, always ready to catch her when she fell, his strong hands, his lips – _In my wildest dreams I never could have imagined them so soft –_ she was burning with love for this man, coherent thoughts slowly dissipating in a wave of heat.

His head moved closer to her neck. His breathing was controlled, but fast now. They both knew where this would lead, and were both a little scared as well – they knew this would become uncontrollable soon. He placed a kiss on her half-exposed neck, then another, wandered toward her ear, another just below it, sending small shockwaves rushing through her body, his lips softly brushed her sensitive earlobe, he buried his face in her hair, breathing deeply. His hands slid down her arms, stroking her, she leaned into him, her head falling back on his shoulder. His head covered her shoulder with accelerating, burning kisses, as his hands clasped her waist. She lifted her arm behind his head and pulled it closer. Now her lips found his neck, caressed his ear, cheeks, slowly making their way towards his mouth. He grabbed her around the middle and turned her slightly back, facing him. Her arms went around his neck and their kisses found their way across each other's cheeks.

Her lips found his. Suddenly, they both paused, wanting to give each other a chance to take it slowly. Brown eyes met blue, searching, asking. She nudged him with her nose, then they both smiled. She wanted him to let go. He pulled her closer and finally their need took over. Their mouths became one, his hand raking her hair, another tightening its grip around her waist. Kathryn felt a tear slipping down her cheek. She'd never felt anything like this before ...all-encompassing happiness. Her small sighs of pleasure encouraged him even more. They broke away breathless, but were far from letting go. His kisses wandered down her neck, she bent her head backwards, his hands started working on her clothes. His quick breath on her skin drove her crazy. She started to unbutton his shirt as he hastily unzipped her dress.

All of a sudden she tore away from his kisses and stood up, right in front of him, between his legs. With slightly hooded eyes and a promising smile playing around her lips, she started taking off her clothes. He took off his shirt, then leaned back and simply took in her beautiful body. Every curve he'd only admired from a safer distance the night before, every bit of skin, sparkling in the starlight. When she was down to her underwear – _definitely not Starfleet issue -_ he couldn't stop himself. "Gods, you're amazing," he moaned and rushed to bend forward to kiss her stomach. Her fingers wrapped around his strong shoulders, tracing his muscles. His hands crept up to her breasts, she gasped at the touch. He stood up, gently unhooked her bra and took it off. Her eyes moved over his chest and shoulders, finally back at his eyes.

Suddenly, with one quick movement, he swept her off her feet and carried her towards the bedroom. She kicked her legs playfully and laughed. It was the most beautiful thing he ever heard. He gently placed her on the covers, his eyes never leaving hers. She pushed the covers aside and slid underneath. He removed his pants and boxers and grinned as she ogled his naked body. A faint blush crept up her cheeks, and with a mischievous smile she removed her panties, the blanket just about covering her breasts. She took in a deep breath as he crawled towards her, stealing the covers. He lay down next to her. "Now where were we?" She grinned, but they slowly became more serious now as he gently started caressing her breasts. He slowly explored her soft skin, feeling her nipples with his lips. She moaned quietly and bent her body against his hands. As his kisses moved over her body she could just make out his whispering. "Oh... Kathryn, you're so beautiful." They quickly lost control of themselves, totally bewitched by their feelings, clinging to each other for dear life. When they finally found each other, she knew she'd never feel whole again without him.

* * *

Everything around her was still blurred. Kathryn felt extremely rested, as if she had slept two days straight. After a moment she realised the warmth around her came from a pair of strong arms enveloping her. She smiled, happiness filling her to the core. She took in his sleeping, familiar face. She knew every corner of it. A totally overwhelming wave of emotions swept through her chest. She gasped, a tear escaping her. This feeling she had held back and buried deeper than anything else. But now it hit her with all its might. She closed her eyes and knew her voice wouldn't break now that she finally said out loud what she had thought so often.

"I love you."

His eyes fluttered open, his quiet breathing quickened, he needed only a second to be aware of the situation. He didn't smile, only searched her face. He looked into her eyes, deeply and seriously. His arms tightened around her.

"I love you, too. I always have."

She smiled broadly and snuggled against his chest. He whispered: "You don't know how many sleepless nights I've imagined this." He pulled away a little, looking into her eyes again, still searching, as if he couldn't quite believe it yet. She saw that at some point, tears had crossed his cheeks. She kissed away those traces with a reassurance. He closed his eyes, finally catching on; a smile formed and revealed his beautiful dimples. As he relaxed, taking in the meaning of it all, happiness washing away his fears, she thought about the night before. He had basically given in to instinct - like her. It had been extremely intense, a rush of need and passion. But now they both were sure this had not just been a physical release. She closed her eyes and felt every nerve ending in her body tingle.

"Last night was the most extraordinary thing I've ever felt. Thank you... for finally opening my eyes."

He cupped her cheek with one hand. "No, Kathryn, thank you, for finally letting me love you."

Her eyes twinkled. "Well, I believe we have some catching up to do on that..."

He smiled and he gently brushed through her hair, another hand gently stroking her back. She felt his body react to her immediately. It was sending shivers down her spine and the perpetual butterflies in her stomach were producing raging thunderstorms now. They surrendered to love once more, hungry for each other's touch, their longing far from quenched – and this time they took it a little more slowly.


	12. Revenge of the Command Team

Kathryn awoke and savoured the first few seconds of half-sleep. She felt incredible – happy, strong, beautiful. She noticed something was missing though – he was not next to her. The light had been turned up a little. She was just about to be disappointed when she heard his voice.

"Good morning – again." He smiled and sat next to her on the bed. He had put on some boxers and quickly thrown his shirt on, unbuttoned. She wrapped the sheets around her and managed to sit up a little, eagerly accepting a cup of coffee from him. He grinned and absently put a few hairs behind her ear, then kissed her cheek. She closed her eyes, breathed in the coffee and leaned her face into his hands. She loved every second of this moment.

"I could get used to this."

He laughed. "You better. Because now you showed me what I've been missing you won't get rid of me again. Ever." He really meant it, even if he was trying to joke.

She meant it, too. "I'm so glad."

He chuckled now. "I think you'll have to reinstate Tom as lieutenant for this. It did start with his innocent movie night!"

She grinned. "Yeah right, like his smug grin isn't enough to put up with!"

They started kissing again, realising they couldn't keep their hands off each other. But Kathryn quickly pulled away, duty in mind. He sighed, but understood that they couldn't let their new found joy disrupt their routine too much – but both of them immediately agreed that it would make it much more bearable to face every next day.

* * *

The day went by uneventful, but the command team seemed in an even better mood than the days before. Tom and Harry both wondered when they'd make it public, whether they would, or if there was indeed anything at all to make public in the first place. Tom had wasted no time – his betting pool was alive and kicking. News travelled fast on this ship anyway.

Chakotay headed for the ready room. He found Kathryn by the viewport, looking out to the stars with a cup of coffee, as usual. But nothing was usual about the smile she gave him when she turned around. Her features were softer, her hair a little more loose than before, as if a great amount of tension had left her body. He came up to her and wrapped his arms around her. She leaned back and they stared at the stars together for a while.

"You know..." she began quietly. "They look different now. Never so beautiful before. You have a way... to open people's eyes, Chakotay."

He grinned. "I should add that to my CV! As well as Professional Stargazer."

They both laughed. She turned in his arms and prodded him with a finger. "Are you planning to apply to anywhere else?"

"Oh there's this great archaeological project on the planet we passed a week ago. Good career opportunities I hear---"

"Permission denied." She glared with a sparkle in her eyes (that was No.1 – _I'm the Captain, do as I say or else..._) then put down her cup and sat on the couch. He joined her, shuffled closer and took her hand.

"I don't know how fast gossip reaches you, but have you heard the latest rumour?"

"Oh? What's that?"

"Well, Captain," he started, nodding mock-seriously, "I feel it's my responsibility to alert you to any personnel issues... you see, two crewmembers have become ...involved."

"Have they? Well it's about time." They laughed, and Chakotay continued. "I should probably also inform you that the Tom Paris Betting Pool is active again. With a wide range of bidding options... When, what, where... "

She pulled a face. "I know. B'Elanna already warned me." She thought for a moment. "We should really take revenge for all that messing with us over the years."

"I like that. What have you got in mind?"

"I think... I have an idea... and I kind of owe B'Elanna." He grinned at that. "You know, I happen to know what time and place she placed her bet on..." Only much later would she learn that he wasn't telling her the whole truth – what _exactly_ B'Elanna had bet on.

* * *

Later that day, the command team had lunch in the mess hall. There were quite a few people in there, including Tom, Harry and B'Elanna, who were chatting with Neelix about whatever it was he was serving them. Harry had already observed the command team all morning and noticed that they seemed a little agitated. At first they seemed to be happy, but now both had quite unfriendly looks on their faces – _ever since they left the ready room earlier, ...did they have a fight? -_ and poked their food while they discussed something in hissed whispers.

Suddenly, Chakotay pushed back his chair, jumped up and shouted: "That's it! Who do you think I am!"

The Captain looked slightly embarrassed and jumped up as well, fury in her eyes. "Chakotay, sit down, NOW."

"Or what, you'll throw me in the brig? Ha! You wouldn't dare!" He barked a laugh and glared at her, challenging her authority in front of the crew. The entire mess hall was frozen, all eyes were set on the Captain and her First Officer; they were in a stand-off.

"You'd be surprised." The Captain's voice was menacing, her eyes piercing Chakotay's.

He turned and took a few purposeful steps toward the door. She stepped away from the table and stood her ground behind him, fists clenched.

"If you walk through that door, I'll relieve you of duty for insubordination."

A few people took in sharp breaths. Only Neelix' kitchen stove was heard in the silence. Chakotay stepped right in front of the Captain, close, in her personal space. He looked tall and dangerous now, not the gentle First Officer but the aggressive Maquis Captain.

"You can't. Because I'm leaving the ship."

Everybody seemed to hold their breath as they watched the battle of wills between them.

"You wouldn't dare."

"You'd be surprised."

"You have a duty to this ship." She sounded all Starfleet now, and angry as hell.

This was wrong, something was wrong about the situation. Harry saw they were angry, heard what they said, but he couldn't for the life of him believe what he was seeing. There was something else there, unspoken. Chakotay's deep voice hissed in the silence.

"What about my duty to myself, Kathryn?" The mention of her name suddenly turned the mood in the mess hall. This was personal. People shifted on their feet uncomfortably, but noone moved. From the corner of his eye, Harry noticed B'Elanna staring with an open mouth. Tom's look was a mixture of doubt and worry.

The Captain's voice dropped a little to further indicate the private nature of their fight. But she was still audible. _Why the hell don't they leave for someplace less public?_

"Chakotay, we talked about this..."

"No, Kathryn, you talked about this. What about my opinion? My wishes?" She glared. Harry stood close to them and felt the hair in his neck stand on end – telling him that something was about to happen. Chakotay grabbed the Captain by the shoulders.

"One last time. Either you marry me – or I'm leaving the ship."

Gasps of shock rippled through the mess hall. Harry noticed something the others probably didn't. Chakotay was fighting back a grin, and Harry got the feeling that this had all been planned – _apart from his proposal_. People started to whisper now. The Captain stared at him in shock for a second, but then both simply burst out laughing rather hysterically as he threw his arms around her and picked her up in a big hug. The tension relaxed but everyone still stared. The command team broke apart a little and turned around, tears in their eyes from laughing. Janeway didn't leave her First Officer's embrace but spoke to everyone now. "Gentlemen - I believe you've been had."

Everyone broke out chuckling now, most people still with a look of utter disbelief on their faces, turning left and right to confirm in each other's faces what they'd just heard. Over the tumult, the Captain's voice could be heard. "Suits you right for participating in illegal betting pools!" She emphasised the word 'illegal' and looked at Tom. B'Elanna slapped Tom's shoulder, demanding her replicator rations. People laughed, chattered on - the noise was becoming deafening. But Harry still watched the command team. Kathryn turned to face Chakotay again and looked deep into his eyes. Her voice dropped almost to a whisper, but Harry could just make out what she was saying. "That wasn't part of the plan, was it?"

He nudged her affectionately with his nose. "Well... Will you?"

She searched his eyes for a moment, an incredulous smile playing around her lips. Suddenly, she broke out into a grin, tears forming in her eyes. "I don't see why not... of course I will!" He swept her into a deep kiss, which drew whoops and cheers from the crew around them. If it hadn't been quite clear whether they were really a couple or had just been messing with them completely – now it was. Harry grinned and turned to Tom and B'Elanna who were jumping up to congratulate their friends. B'Elanna grinned and winked at Chakotay, then Kathryn, mouthing a thank you for the favour. The new couple received hugs and slaps on the back from almost everyone - suddenly noone seemed so afraid of the 'untouchable' Captain anymore. Neelix instantly produced a few bottles of champagne and the whole mess hall was quickly turned into one big engagement party. This was a little piece of private happiness, away from command and duty – everyone could relate to it. Many surprised people started coming in from the corridors after hearing the commotion and quickly joined the party. The Captain notified the rest of the crew – those who could - to join them in the mess hall, it seemed only fair. Tuvok, the Doctor and Seven arrived and extended their best wishes – well, one more enthusiastically than the other two of course. The Doctor also began taking holoimages. Naomi and her mother made their way through, too, and Naomi was wearing her biggest smile. Kathryn kneeled down and hugged her youngest crewmember. "You know, I think I'll need a bridesmaid. As Captain's Assistant – that job would fall to you... if you're available, that is." She grinned and winked. Naomi was thrilled and accepted happily.

"Here's to the happy couple!" "A toast!" "Tuvok, you say something!"

Tuvok looked around, then raised his glass. "Captain. You have commanded this ship and led this crew through hardship in a manner that deserves the deepest admiration. Commander. We've had our differences in the past, but I have come to respect you as a fair leader and an irreplaceable support for the Captain. I am confident that your union will contribute greatly to your happiness and I wish you well. Live long and prosper."

"Hear, hear." They all raised their drinks and the command team smiled their thanks. This was indeed high praise from Tuvok. Harry was still standing close to the couple. He had nearly crushed his Captain in a tight and heartfelt hug. Kathryn was still fighting her tears. Chakotay had a protective arm around her as they thanked people around them with handshakes and smiles. Occasionally, those more familiar with Chakotay – mostly former Maquis - would lean closer and grab his shoulder, whispering "Who would've thought..?" or "Finally. You deserve no less." Chakotay looked immensely proud, and the Captain more flustered and speechless than ever. She exchanged a thankful smile and nod with Tuvok. Harry knew she valued his opinion above most others', and even in a personal decision, she seemed to need his consent somehow. Tuvok was her closest connection to where she came from, where her beliefs were anchored. Her protocols and standards had kept her, them, going. Harry remembered the trouble she had dealing with the Equinox crew – they had betrayed everything she believed in. She had probably long debated with herself whether having a relationship with her First Officer was appropriate or even allowed – and he suspected the guilt she carried with her all the time hadn't made it easier. Now, Harry sincerely hoped she'd found peace with her decision. Her smile strongly suggested she had.

* * *

_**Epilogue.**_

That night they met at Chakotay's quarters for dinner. By that time, the entire ship obviously knew about the engagement and every crew member she and Chakotay passed on their way congratulated them again or simply offered a warm smile. Everything was alright now. As Kathryn snuggled up in his arms later, drifting off to sleep, she thought that home seemed not so far away anymore. Her home had been with her all the way – and she had finally found the door.

* * *

_**Last Notes**_

Thanks for reading & all the encouragement along the way! I hope the ending didn't turn out too cheesy, but I just had to marry them... ^.^

If you have any suggestions about editing the story, please tell me. I already corrected a few things in earlier chapters that I wasn't happy with. I'm a perfectionist.. n_n


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